Stock Island Drive-in Theater

On this day in 1985, the Florida Supreme Court overturned the death sentence, and jubilation was felt on death rows everywhere in the State. Death row inmates passed rotgut hooch from cell to cell as the partying continued into the wee hours. The hooch was stewed by wrapping fruit or potatoes in a cheesecloth, hanging the stew under bunks until it fermented. 

Henry and Lucia had lived in their new house in Key West for a month. Waking at 10 AM, they go outside and sit at a wicker table on the front porch, eating waffles with Vermont maple syrup and drinking Mexican coffee. Pedro their pet woodpecker pecks on a waffle, particularly
enjoying the special syrup, eating like a bird. Lucia says,  

take me to the beach darling, we can take the family! And he says.

I ran into a Hemingway clone in the market and when I told him we had 2 Chihuahuas he said, 

oh my gosh, go to Dog Beach, and don’t forget the Moon Dog Cafe, it’s doggy friendly and everything is homemade!

The Hemingway clone was over the top gay, a nice guy who would be happier as a Tennessee Williams clone.

They dress for Dog Beach, Lucia puts on a knit thong bikini, shorts, and a tank top. She would test the water at Dog Beach to see if men stared at her, which she hated. Henry wears a pair of checkered boxer shorts and a white t-shirt. She says to him,

darling, I hate it when men stare at me, but, I enjoy feeling naked in a thong. He smiles saying, 

which part of being a goddess bothers you? Would you rather be deformed? Pissed she says, 

shut up, Henry! I don’t want to hear your Freudian fiilosofica shit, it’s not easy being a chica! You know what it’s like to have a cono full of sangre every month? What it does to your head? He laughs saying, 

sangre meaning blood or wine in Spanish? A pussy full of wine? In disgust she says, 

estas loco Henry, let’s go pendajo!

The couple followed by the Chi's and Pedro bring a large Coleman Coolbox to the station wagon and drive to a Shell station to get gas. Henry asks the attendant where Dog Beach is? The kid has pink bangs covering his face which he incessantly flips from one side of his face to the other, exposing an eye to see,  he says stuttering, 

take Tru Tru man a Avenue to Re Re Re nolds Stra eat! Henry not wanting to burden the kid pays and drives away, saying to Lucia, 

the ka ka kid is a fa fa fucking mess! She replies,

stop it Henry that’s aw aw aw ful! 

They laugh all the way to Dog Beach. 

At the beach they take the coolbox from the back of the station wagon carrying it to an area where then can rent chairs and umbrellas, the Chis and Pedro follow. The couple didn’t like the sun, Lucia was born dark, and didn’t want to get darker, Henry had milky-skin which burnt and blistered in the sun.   

Getting settled in the beach chairs, Lucia takes off her tank top and shorts, laying down with her thong on. Her body is sculpted from head to toe and her waist-length brass-colored hair glows in the sun. Beachgoers, both men women eyeball her as they walk by. She does her best to ignore the unwanted attention as Henry laughs saying,

they think you’re a famous porn star! She comes back,

then, they look at your crotch pendajo and see your teeny, weeny, pene and think, he's no porn star!  

Dog Beach is a leash-free area where dogs are liable for their behavior and can be 86’d or fined for infractions the same as NFL players. The Chis chase each other in the sand, play fighting. Pedro thinks he’s a seagull, flying high over the ocean and from time to time diving like a Stuka plane, pulling out of the dive before he hits the water, knowing he can't float or swim.

At some point, a male Great Dane named Haufman tears into Che who clamps onto the large dog's tail with his muzzle, holding tight as Haufman twists and spins like a bucking bronco trying to get at Che. Henry runs to help, unable to budge Haufman. 

Then, Pedro drops out of the sky like Superman, landing on Haufman, perching on his back, pecking the large dog repeatedly like would a Ponderosa pine. The Great Dane backs off and Che escapes as a Beach Patrolman shows, throwing down a red card and 86 ing Haufman. The big dog’s owners try to get the call reversed, unsuccessfully.

Lucia had stayed clear of the rumble and is relaxing in her beach chair as she pulls 2 cold beers out of the coolbox, thinking Henry might need one, he says,

you could have helped me you know, I couldn’t budge Haufman, he’s massive! She says raising her eyebrows, 

darling, if I had gotten into the free-for-all, my thong would have snapped open, it’s very delicate, held together by a few strands of yarn.

By sundown, the couple's loaded and hungry. They walk across the street, holding the Chis as Pedro follows airmail, to a pet-friendly restaurant called the Moon Dog Cafe, a place that's straight out of the pages of the Whole Earth Magazine. Inside they sit at a table, an older hippy woman approaches the crew to take their order saying, 

we’ve had a lot of folks here with parrots, but never a woodpecker! Henry laughs,

his name is Pedro, we’re thinking of changing his name to Superman, he just took on a Great Dane at Dog Beach, saving the day! The waitress says, 

oh, that must have been Haufman, he comes here with his owners all the time, I’m surprised, he's usually well behaved! Henry cuts in saying, 

we need to order sweetie! How bout a pitcher of rum and Coca Cola, 2 Cajun chicken sandwiches on rye, hash browns, a Caesar salad with bacon, and a bowl of sunflower seeds for the hero!

They pour themselves glasses of rum and coke, downing them as they eat. Pedro puffs his chest and ruffles his feathers proudly as he pecks at his well-earned seeds, Lucia comments,

darling, I think Pedro's getting a big head! 

They laugh, pay the bill, walk to the station wagon, load it and drive home where they shower and change. Henry had heard of a drive-in theater on Stock Island, and he wanted Lucia to see it. He finds the address of the theater in the Yellow Pages. 

Stock Island is north of Key West on Highway1, like the other islands in the Keys, it began as a knob of coral rock appearing as the ocean dropped a thousand years ago.

The island is unincorporated and is known as a no-man’s land. It’s a place where gangsters with names like—Joey the Chin, Tony the Weasel, and Rico the Leg traveled to lay low and hideout from the law in the 20s and 30s.

They leave Pedro in the house, letting him cool down after a busy day, then driving in the station wagon with the Chis north on Highway 1. At Stock Island he wheels the station wagon left, following College Avenue until he reaches the drive-in theater. It’s on a sand jetty with a large screen at the end near the ocean.

Stopping the wagon at the ticket booth, Henry rolls down his window, saying, 

Just 2 tickets sweety, the dogs won’t watch the film, they’re asleep. The high school girl is chewing a wad of gum, looking bored she says

7 dollars sir, enjoy the film.

They drive on the sand, directed by  2 guys with Detroit Bumper hair cuts in overalls who resemble Joe Dirt. They wave flashlights towards a parking place, Henry spins in. 

The couple opens the windows in the wagon, enjoying the sea breeze which smells like a mixture of— seaweed, tropical bush, and fish. 

Lucia watches intently as Henry attaches the clipped edge of the soft grey metal speaker on the inside of the half-closed car window. The experience was new to her because there aren't any drive-in theaters in Cuba,  she says, 

me enchanta darling, is this a make-out place? He comments, 

yes, darling, making out at drive-in theaters is as American as apple pie, she wonders, 

apple pie is American? Then, a beam of light reaches the large screen in front of them, and he answers, 

Oh yeah, babe!

A muffled tin-like sound comes through the small speaker as a cartoon comes on— a box of popcorn and a cup of Coca Cola, both with rounded eyeballs and insect-like legs dance as a voice says, 

don’t forget to pick up some delicious soft drinks and popcorn at the concessions stand in the rear of the parking lot. 

The film, The Blob comes on the screen and Henry laughs saying,

you’re gonna love this babe, it’s a cheesy B-movie!

The opening score, Beware of the Blob by Burt Bacharach comes through the low-quality speaker, the song is ghoulish Broadway and it never made Billboard.

As the film begins a teenage kid named Steve played by 28-year-old Steve Mc Queen witnesses a meteor crash in a cornfield, going to investigate he finds an old man who is being eaten up by what looks like a hand full of purple jam. Convinced the Blob is ghoul, the kid runs to town to report the incident and the sheriff thinks he’s crazy.

The flesh-eating Blob is without vertebrate or soul and grows larger with each living organism it gobbles up. The film which in theory is terrifying comes off as goofy. Lucia laughs and says,

el show es estupido, not scary! Henry smiling says, 

let's smoke a joint to get in the groove.

The Blob continues to expand, becoming a semi-truck size ball of goo that oozes into town, squeezing into the Colonial Theatre, absorbing a few hapless movie-goers.

As the Blob seeps out of the theater, the young hero, Steve, sprays it down with a fire extinguisher, noticing the CO 2 causes the jelly belly Blob to recoil. Steve then convinces a mob of angry town folk to get every available fire extinguisher and in the middle of main street, they spray the bugger, freezing it in place. Later the Air Force shows and halls the big-size ball of man-eating frozen jelly to a transport plane that drops it into an artic wasteland somewhere up north. 

Henry wheels his station wagon through the sandlot, heading south on Highway 1 to Key West, asking Lucia if she enjoyed the quirky flick and she says, 

the Blob is like Castro and the Socialist Revolution, eating everything in its path until the revolution eats up the world. Henry saying, 

babe, what an impressive use of metaphor! Wondering she asks,

what’s a metaphor?