Henry's in his study, pencil drumming quadruple time to the Miles Davis jam— Miles Runs the Voodoo Down. He realizes his rent is overdue, remembering the letter his landlord sent him.
Dear Mr. Lucowski,
Off to Europe, chasing my dream. I have no idea when I'll be back, so, send your rent money to my local bank.
Edward Ludnik
Wells Fargo Bank
Account # 361428754
Call Sid Hamm the handyman, his numbers listed, for home repairs. Of course, the work is on your dime.
Yours Truly,
Ed
Henry's rattled by the letter thinking,
Repairs on my dime? If the rent wasn't so cheap I'd call Ludnik or Hamm and tell them to take a hike— What if a hurricane flattens the bungalow?
More importantly, he notices two flies copulating on his desk. He waits till they're finished, have gotten off, or whatever it is flies do, then, swishes the fornicators off his desk, blowing gently in their vicinity.
Lucia, Henry's Cuban wife, walks into his office looking glum and says,
do you think I’m fat darling?
She has a statuesque body, like Sophia Loren, not anorexic like runway models. Henry ribs her saying,
You need liposuction. The obesity specialist can suck your fat out through a tube. If you like they can put it in a jar so you can see it. Better lay off the beer and tortillas.
She breaks down and sobs, he gets out of his chair, walks to her, gives her a big hug, and says,
just kidding babe, you’re perfect.
Last night Henry, Lucia, and their lover Summer Wynd watched a TV documentary on the Salt Lake City Mormons.
The program was lifeless, and the documented Mormons were blank and colorless.
What on Earth or Heaven moved Jesus slash God, the many-hued and majestic one, to spawn the dry as dust tribe of Mormon?
Mormons have a health code that eschews— booze, dope, tobacco, tea, coffee. And, as you might guess, a law of chastity that prohibits sex until, and outside of marriage.
So when it comes to Mormons you can say,
Hard and fast laws and codes make Jack a dull boy.
Eventually, Henry caves in— unable to bear the lackluster TV Mormons, switching to the Oldies Channel, watching Mr. Ed, the only horse in history other than Black Beauty, that speaks.
Lucia, who's half-asleep, says to him,
you had sex yet?
You mean today?
I mean, with her.
Who’s that?
Amy, the Black girl,
you're the only one I want.
You don’t need me, you need a shrink.
I’ve talked to Dr. Kidney recently.
And, what did he say?
Tell me what you think? And, that’ll be 200 Dollars.
It didn’t help, you’re still crazy.
Why?
Because you paid 200 Dollars for nothing, pendejo.
More on the Mormons as Hunter S. Thompson sees it— referencing Utah’s bid for the 2002 Winter Olympic Games, laying bugoo blame for the lost bid on the LDS.
Corruption is a way of life in Utah, and they seem to like it that way. Mormons have been beating and cheating each other since the arrival of Brigham Young In 1847— He was a stern gentleman, they say, and nobody argued when he made Utah the permanent Kingdom of the Mormon Church and everything it stood for.
It’s the Mormon way of life, a handful of gimme and a mouth full of much obliged.
By midnight the girls are sound asleep. Mr. Ed, Bewitched, and The Munsters are over and the Indian Head Test Pattern defiantly projects light beams out of TV sets everywhere in South Florida.
Henry lights a joint, staring at the Test Pattern, figuring, the eery TV graphic signifies something deeper than the end of the programing day.
The girls are passed out, slouched, on the living room sofa— Henry sleepwalks to the bedroom, flopping down on the unmade bed with his clothes on.
Deep in NREM sleep, he hears a high-pitched and mocking voice calling his name, figuring it's a parrot perched in a tree somewhere.
Henry……. Henry……. Henry— then,
you’re never gonna amount to nothing son, writing isn’t a job, it’s a hobby, get a real job!
He realizes it’s the voice of his dead father Buddy Lucowski, an itinerate lingerie salesman who drove the East Coast in an old Caddilac selling his ware.
Henry wakes abruptly in a cold sweat, relieved the encounter was only a dream. Then, walking to the bathroom, opening the mirrored medicine cabinet, reaching for a bottle of Valium, and taking a couple.
The travails of progenitors and their offspring linger on forever, passed from generation to generation.
Lucia, walks into his study and says,
Darling, there's something I need to tell you. I grew up on a plantation outside of Havana. My family was poor, my mother had twelve kids, and my father drank himself to death.
When I was sixteen I left the plantation and moved to Havana. I was broke and forced to do things I didn't want to do, selling my body even. He laughs,
Yeah, I know, the night we met at El Gato Bar, you hustled me out of 4000 Pesos. Go Confess to Father Ruiz at Saint Marys, the sooner the better.
As the gravity of her inner peril tugs on her, she puts on a conservative black dress, picks up a Rosary from her bed stand, runs out of the house, and cranks up the Vespa scooter, making a B-line to Saint Marys.
At Saint Marys, she parks on the sidewalk and goes inside the modern pink church. The pews in the Nave are empty, so she walks past the Altar into the Presbytery, where the Padre's drinking Sacramental wine, drunk as a saint. He’s startled to see Lucia, saying to her in Spanish,
la Iglesias es closed Señora, El Padre es ruminating.
Por favor Padre, necesito confesar— Please I beg you!
Father Ruiz says in English,
OK, go to the Confessional, Señora
Lucia waits anxiously for twenty minutes inside the confessional, kneeling in front of the latticed screen. When Father Ruiz shows, she makes the sign of the Cross and says prayerfully,
Bless me, Father, for I have sinned, my last confession was two years ago.
Padre, I sold my body in Havana. And, I've engaged in sins of the flesh, with two lovers at once, my husband and our girlfriend. I use drugs and drink daily. This is all I can remember, I’m sorry for my sins. Father Ruiz says,
Bless you, my child, Jesus loves you so much that he forgave your sins before you walked in the door.
Your penance will be a personal offering and work of mercy. Go to The Tipsy Rooster Liquor store, across the street, and buy three gallons of Mogen David wine and have them delivered to the Presbytery.
Father Ruiz then says the Prayer of Absolutions,
May our Lord and God, Jesus Christ, through the grace, mercy, and love for humankind, guide and watch over you, Amen.
Lucia makes the sign of the Cross, stands up, stumbling to regain her balance because her knees are numb from kneeling.
As she walks out of Saint Marys to The Tipsy Rooster, she feels uplifted and free from mental burdens thinking,
Jesucristo, Confessing to Father Ruiz was a miracle!
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