1/25/24

All I Could do Was Barf




Writing is like  Rubic Cubes,  you twist your fingers up in knots as your work gets worse and worse.


Relieving myself in the basement bathroom, I came up a cope of

Reader's Digest I found in the crapper amongst a pile of mags on the tiles; the bit was inspirational as are all of the rag's stories. 

So, a mixed breed dog, Shepard, and poodle, is pilfered by a hobo, tied up in a potato sack, and carried to the tracks where the bum hops a freight. 


Well, it’s Reader's fucking Digest so you know the pooch is going to make it home; while the tramp is eating a can of beans in the freight car, fido jumps out an open plug door; journeying 200 miles home, overcoming tribulations; bears, speeding cars, hunger, and such.


I was going to use the magazine as butt wipe, but the story moved me so that I used the reflections section of The Catholic Review instead. 


It’s summer in New York City, circa 78, I’m broke; staying in a men’s hotel, the ones with closet-size rooms and chicken wire ceilings for 8 bucks a day, feeling Bukowski-like, thinking, 


today’s the day I’m gonna get me a job. 


I was on the skids because of weed, nothing dramatic, I got lazy that’s all, smoking weed and laying in the fields of Central Park spending my days parodying bird songs.


I roam the canyons of the Rotten Apple ending up in the Meat Packing District; going directly to a slaughterhouse and asking the guard where the office is. The place smells like cowshit, which isn’t a bad smell on the range, but here it’s an awful, rancid smell.


On the way to the head, I see a fat guy that looks like a boss and I ask,


how bout a job mista? But, please not on the killing floor,


son from the looks of ya, yous ain’t got the skill to kill or butcher a cow, but I’ll give yas a try as a loader, come back tomorrow at 5 AM.


Fortified by a donut and cup of joe, I show at Amour Slaughter House on time, and a boss points the way to the loading ramp with his fat pudgy forefinger. 


I see semis side by side ready to be loaded;

the gig's self-explanatory, carry heavy slabs of frozen beef into the refrigerated rigs and hang them on hooks. 


From a platform at the rear of the ramp, a ripped Black dude balances a frozen slab of beef on my back; I make it as far as the semi and my feet give out and I fall down in pain.


The fat boss picks me up, placing me in an odd position in the back of the company station wagon and I puke.


When we reach Cider Seed Hospital I feel like I'm going to die, they wheel me into the emergency room, and the doctor says, 


get the kid x-rayed and send him to the ward with the other geeks.


The medical folks roar laughing, but I didn’t find it funny.


The x-ray shows Spondylolisthesis, a displacement of the lower vertebrae. 


Now here's the beauty part; I was mega-doped up having slept for 2 days and I wake up to the scent of a sweetly scented hand tapping my forehead, it's the social worker who says,


Mr. Lucowski you qualify for SSDI, 


how much is it? 


It will be in the range of a couple thousand a month, 


I could have dropped a turd in my hospital bed, that's how I felt.


Knowing I’m set for life, I languor in the hospital for a few more days, doped up on morphine, enjoying the attention. 


When I’m discharged, I make a B-line to the Greyhound bus station and buy a ticket to Miami and never look back. 

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