5/24/22

Monkeypox, Living Rough, & Indian Trains

 





There’s a new virus in town, a real freak show, that makes Covid look like Bambi. Introducing Monkeypox.


Monkeypox is novel—  everyone in the world knows you have it because your face and body is covered with lesions.


The origin of Monkeypox is a matter of speculation by officials, who initially declared it was sexually transmitted, which always seems to be the first culprit.


You would think the genesis of the virus is the usual stuff— animals, bats, monkeys, hyenas, eating them or getting bitten.


Eventually the officials— have you seen an official lately? Do they wear lanyards with cards reading— OFFICIAL? 


Anyway, the officials have now decided there are no documented cases of Monkeypox being spread by sex— instead, more conventionally, it’s transmitted through close contact with infected people or contaminated materials.


So Monkeypox is spread the way covid is when viral droplets in the air get into bodily openings— mouth, eyes, and nose. 


Lucky for us, Monkeypox, discovered in a lab in 1958, will only have fifteen minutes of fame, this time around. 


I have been struck down by the making ends meet blues  payoff for a lifetime of failing to prioritize money, but I ain’t busted yet. 


When I go broke you’ll see a blog post here reading, 


Figaro Lucowski has offed himself, overdosing on laughing gas slash Nitrous Oxide— busting a gut all the way to Heaven. 


Being destitute is the heaviest burden imaginable. 


The homeless, who are everywhere, have the hearts of lions— how else could they endure? 


Street people live to drink and dope, it’s all they have, and most likely the shit’s the reason they’re down.


For some unorthodox authors, living rough, drifting, and using is the wellhead of their writing. 


When Charles Bukowski’s father discovered he’d been writing stories on the typewriter they bought to help with his college work, his old man tossed the manuscripts, the typewriter, and his son’s clothes out onto the lawn. Bukowski took ten dollars from his mother and caught a bus to downtown LA where he rented a cheap room.


After working menial jobs in LA for a few months he caught a bus to New Orleans, finding work in a warehouse and saving his money until he had enough to quit and pay his rent in advance so he could stay in his room all day and write. 


When he ran short of money, he tried to live on candy bars to postpone getting another— eight-hour job of nothingness.


Jack Kerouac used drugs like amphetamine, marijuana, and alcohol, to fuel his writing. He wrote Dharma Bums in three days, jacked up on bennies. 


The Beat icon drank cheap wine and wrapped himself in a canvas tarp to keep warm at night in the Big Sur wilderness— living rough as he traveled the US, later writing On the Road. 


Hunter S. Thompson used everything imaginable to fuel his riotous writing, but, he wasn’t one for living rough on the road, preferring luxurious hotels if the bosses at Rolling Stone Magazine would flip the bill.


For the last month, I’ve been living in a dump in Pattaya, Thailand, coming to terms with it by telling myself a great artist has to suffer—cough, excuse me I've choked on a peanut shell. 


Yet, feeling sublime, working on my laptop, listening to epicurean jazz, roasted on Tramadol— writing, a little dope, and good music can elevate you above the milieus of life


I live in bed, sitting up, inclined on a few pillows set at an angle against the headboard, with my laptop on my forelegs.


Everything in the world is at your fingertips on a computer— the breathtaking, the laughable, and the grotesque.   


I eat in bed too, because I’ve lived in small rooms most of my life. But, the only thing I don’t do in bed is screw— sad, isn’t it? Beds are made for sleeping and screwing. 


As for sleeping, sleep hallucinations freak me out. They are different from dreams— you know right away when you wake from a dream that you were dreaming. In a sleep hallucination, you may not be able to figure out what is real and what isn't for several minutes. 


Several minutes of hanging out to dry on a clothesline in gagaville— your head feels like mush as it’s sending a message to the rest of your body to keel over. 


When I get out of bed in the morning, I put on my jockey shorts and go to the kitchen to make coffee, mixing it with hot milk. 


I think most people in the world need the jolt they get from caffeine, be it coffee or tea before they begin their day.


Starbucks is out for me because lattes are pricey, and their brew is overrated. There's a chain of coffee houses here in Thailand called Amazon, which is half the price and less pretentious than Starbucks. 


Years ago while traveling second class by train in India, just a bump above sleeping on the floor, I was wakened by the sound of squeaking brakes, getting out of my wooden seat and walking the aisle, looking for the privy. 


As you would guess, the water closet was rank— a hole that opened up right onto the tracks. If you're traveling in India second class on a tight budget it helps to have a sense of humor. So, I drop my cut-offs and let it fly, pitying the Untouchables living near the tracks in tar paper huts, polluting their groundwater. 


I wash up at the sink outside of the WC, splashing my hands and face with brown water— afraid of catching cholera if I brush my teeth, and rinse. 


Walking the aisle of the succeeding car I spy an animated brown man in a white robe squatting near a large black pot of boiling milk, Masala tea, sugar, and freshly, chopped ginger. He’s one of the trains Chaiwallahs, tea makers.


He hands me a large metal cup, it's Masala Chai tea. I drink two more cups of the savory brew standing astride in the aisle of the shaky train. 


Back at my seat, an old Indian woman is sitting in my place, I surrender without a fuss, sitting on the floor. Eventually, for kicks, I climb on the moving train's rooftop— sitting there holding onto a vent for dear life as the Indians who are jam-backed by my side laugh at me.


Soon the train reaches Pondicherry Station, my destination. I grab my canvas bag and get off, at the station entrance I get in a bicycle rickshaw, taking the slow road to the Butterfly Hotel, next to the Sri Aurobindo Ashram. 


I take a cold shower, and change my clothes, wearing light cotton slacks, a t-shirt, and rubber slippers.


In the area outside the hotel, I notice a group of European devotees from the ashram, exchanging blissful looks, knowing they are too high for me, I avoid them.


Downtown, walking the bustling city streets I look for Shantytown, where the poor live. 


At Shantytown, I follow a water-logged pathway passing dried mud huts with blankets as doorways, in no time smelling burning hashish, scoring a tola for a thousand Rupees. 


Back at the Butterfly hotel, I lay in bed, tuning in a cheap plastic radio as I puff burning hashish in a clay chillum, listening to sitar and tabla music on the local radio station, getting higher and higher until my body is hovering on the ceiling looking down at myself in bed. 


This is a good place to end this story within a story, on the ceiling of the Butterfly Hotel. 

5/9/22

I’m a Louse, a Schnuck, & a Loser

 




I feel like a dog with no home, depressed. I thought I had whipped it months ago, but the shit has come back for another round. 


If the black hole is back, I’ll take the goddamn meds, it’s no big deal. 


Psychotropic drugs have vastly improved over the years. 

 

In the nineties when you ate psycho dope it stirred through your body to your head leaving you with a dull ache similar to drinking qauuanties of non d-distilled vanilla. 


Blue or not, I spend 80 percent of my time in bed writing and editing my stories.


Jack Nicholson feels at home in the bedroom of his mansion on Mullholand Drive, lying on one side of the bed all the time, creating what he calls, 


the dent. 




You can measure and cut a piece of plywood and place it under your mattress.  


I'm going to write a story on the party scene at Nicholson’s house on Mulholland Drive, a street that was in Polanski's Chinatown


It was party central in Beverly Hills, there were loads of good times and a few bad.


In defense of what happened to  Roman Polanski at Jack's house in the swimming pool the usual alibi applies,


Judge, she didn't look at day under 22.


At 15 Roman was savaged by the Nazi SS, and used as cannon fodder, holding apples on sticks which the Nazis shoot at for target practice.


One sunny afternoon at Nicholson’s house, Polanski was doing a photo shoot of a model, age wasn't discussed.


Everybody in the world knows what happened next— the spook incapacitated the pretty baby with champagne and a Quaalude, screwing her in the swimming pool.


Polanski shows up for arraignment in the morning then flees to Paris that night knowing France won't extradite him. 


 2011 Mulholland Drive has a hoodoo curse on it.  


Nicholson doesn't live there anymore, he sold it. 


 On X many writers claim to be award-winning. 


There are lots and lots of awards out there, thousands. But in the end, if you are talented and lucky you're be a star. 


A star has to develop a look, act, wrighting music or scripts. 

FIGARO LUCOWSKI, AWARD WIN-ING AUTHOR, 


That's fucked.


Do you think the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation will give someone an award who doesn’t know the difference between an African mosquito and a Tsetse fly?  


If there was an award for mad as March, that'd be mine.


I’m a louse, a schnuck, and a loser— living on bones, nervously waiting for payday, eating sardine and bologna sandwiches with mustard on white bread.


Stan Getz is clean-cut like Bing Crosby or Cantinflas. You'd wouldn't guess Getz was a junky.


Twelve years ago I wrote, I Gotta Feed My Man, a story about Art Pepper.  


Laurie Pepper was the only person on the West Coast jazz scene who wasn't put off by Art's complexity and addiction.


They were soulmates, she saved his life, got him off of junk, and organized his life.


Straight Life, Art's amazing book on his life would have never been published without Laurie.


As a rule, people who kick junk love the freedom it gives them. In Art’s case, he said,


hey, I’ve never played better and I don’t have tracks on my arms anymore.  


My junk is Thai beer with ice. That’s how they drink it here. I drink two every evening. 


As for weed, it’s overrated — it makes you stupid.


I usta read loaded, reading the same page over and over.


Ganja is like Sage, a healer, both help folks through things. 


I edit stoned, straight, or drunk, I don't go by the Hemingway rule.


Late the other night, I partially deleted my seventeen-year-old blog I reckoned my work was stupid, I was shaking all over, ashamed;urgently needed a valium. 


In Thailand, a few pharmacies sell the relaxatives for less than twenty Baht apiece, but they are few and far between so you have to fish them out. 


Anyway, I can score valium or Xanax in Pattaya in a flash from a certain pharmacy near the beach.


Scoring Xanax in Thailand doesn’t compare to William Burroughs's junky lifestyle in Mexico City during the early fifties— day after day hustling to score Dilaudid to cook and shoot up.  Dilaudid is five times more potent than most street heroin.  


Old Bill Lee and his junky pal Bill Gains, worked every imaginable angle— forging scripts, paying Mexican doctors for scripts, or occasionally finding pharmacists who sold Dilaudid under the counter. 


Burroughs tried to kick a number of times, succeeding occasionally, cross addicting to booze. The downside was he drank a 1/5 of gin a day and couldn't handle it— he was a wretched and mean drunk. 


Towards the end of his life, William lived with his secretary James Grauerholz in a typical ranch-style house, isolated in the bush outside of Lawrence, Kansas— drinking scotch and poking syringes of methadone in what fatty tissue he had left on his cadaverous body.    

Old Bill Lee lived in the same house for seventeen years, dying of a heart attack at a Lawrence Hospital in 1997 at eighty-three.  


His death put an end to a lifetime of carrying 300 pounds of remorse around after killing his platonic wife Joan Vollmer during a drunken game of William Tell, missing the cocktail glass on her head, and shooting her in the forehead. 


In 1951 after serving thirteen days in a Mexico City jail, his family bribed the Mexican judges, freeing him from the joint, so he fled the country.


I live in Thailand to make ends meet, and none of my acquaintances here understand or read my work. 


Yesterday a pal, who’s no literato, told me my stories are crazy. 


I suppose they are, but here's an excerpt from Ducks Flying Backwards by Tom Robbins that he'd think is crazy too.


Should readers desire to make their own pilgrimage to the Canyon of the Vaginas—and it is, after all, one of the few holy places left in America—they’ll have to find it by themselves. Were one to inquire of its whereabouts at a bar or gas station (in west-central Nevada they’re often one and the same, complete with slot machines), the best that one could hope for is that a dude would wink and aim one at the pink gates of Bobbie’s Cottontail Ranch, or whatever the nearest brothel might be called.

Anyway, what the fuck? Whatever people think is— A BIG NOTHING at a time when the worldwide balance of power is on thin ice, and we're a heartbeat away from a war somewhere in the world employing light nuclear weapons between the Western alliance, and you name it— China, Russia, North Korea, or Iran.

Not to mention the precarious positions of the global economy, as well as, the mega-mounds of non-degradable plastics in garbage dumps and the ocean seriously plaguing all life forms.

The Martians, planted the seed for life on planet earth millions of years ago, giving us an organic vehicle to call our own — but we need a new car, and there are no planets in the universe for sale. 

If we collectively think positively, evil will evaporate. 

Tony Robbins doesn't like being called a guru, but, I agree with him when he says, thinking positive isn’t enough to change ourselves and the world around us. 


And may I add, at this point, taking action might not be enough, WE NEED A NEW PLANET AND THERE ARE NONE FOR SALE. 


Listening to Pharoh Sander's Journey to One— I realized when the planet is cracking at the seams,


paradise lives in your mind and soul, it's there for you.


4/22/22

Fry Bread, Slurpees & CrAzy PaY

 




I have been writing about Martians for the last few days, and it seems more plausible Martians planted the seed of humanity on Earth than all of the funny business about the hand of God in the Book of Genesis. 


The Martian bit was too technical though, it gave me a headache. 


When writing on scientific work it's difficult to avoid plagiarizing because you're writing about others' theories, not yours. Shit like— Doctor Popov revealed this and that, and he wrote the law of, blah, blah, blah.


I never in my life, not for a moment understood or appreciated science. Sure there's a big need for it, but the only thing I can think of, worse than writing scientifically, is going to church— which is like an hour in jail.


Hail Ceasar, give me the arts, there are seven forms.


Painting— is way too expensive and messy.


Sculpture— too much physical work, like working construction.


Architecture— a nine to five job, and, and if you fuck up your technical drawings, thousands will die when your creation collapses.


Cinema— I wouldn’t know where to begin.


Music— It takes too much eye and hand coordination to read music and finger the keyboard at the same time. 


Theater— If you’re not gay, forget it. 


Literature The prince of the arts. Cheap, and clean, no worries about punctuation, grammar, and spelling, thanks to word processors.

After my first wife, Lucia, left me, a month later I married  Martha Graham—  the daughter of Bob Graham the Governor of Florida. 

We married the day we met, blinded by booze and sex.


A few days into the marriage we woke in our hotel room, feeling like strangers. It was little more than a brief tryst, which she bankrolled thank God.


For the last six months, Winona Swiftwater and I have been living in my Key West bungalow. She’s a Calusa Indian— we're pals and lovers, laughing our asses off at peculiar shit only the weird appreciate.


Surely we're the only people in the world beating the magic tom-tom to reruns of the Lawrence Welk Show.


Winona quit her job when we shacked up, the system chaps her ass. Skins are psychically different from White people.

Well, I’m a Paleface who doesn’t get it, the system that is. I’ve never punched a clock, I’m self-employed, and the bulk of my income comes from selling kilos of marijuana to a couple of street dealers. 


I don’t make money writing, regardless, I write most the time— when I'm not being hassled.


I connect with the characters in my stories— as far as real people go, initially, the upfront stuff is fine, but after twenty minutes, I find an excuse to escape and make for the door. 


Lucia, my one-time Cuban wife, was an extrovert, I hung out with her friends because I was with her.


She didn’t get it, why I preferred being alone in my study writing— writers are loners. 


Luck saved me from Lucia, I escaped her when she ran away. I never got her drift, sussing her was like looking into the sun. 


Now she lives in my head and nothing short of a lobotomy is going to get her out. 


Christians say if you hate someone pray for them and it will absolve your hate— thus freeing you from the hold that person has on you. 


Rarely, but occasionally, I despise a person enough to pray for them, even though I’m an atheist. 


The prayers go nowhere—  it's a huge effort for me to pray but I try, what the fuck? 


A serious atheist would no more pray than jump into a pit of Copperheads. I'm a half-ass atheist.


Winona cooks brunch at noon— fry bread, corn, beans and squash, fresh salmon, and wild rice. 

It's morning in our house, I make Mexican coffee, freshly brewed with a dash of tequila, some Kailua, and hot milk.

I have an appointment with a social worker at Monroe County Social Clinic in downtown Key West a two. I get SSA payments monthly— I fake being psycho to get the check, the act is half the fun.


Winona and I  shower and braid our hair, double braids, dressing casually. Winona can wear my clothes— we wear white and pink Ts, khaki shorts, and mismatched flip-flops.


Winona drives the Vespa— she goes north on Flagger Ave. to 11th, in Newtown, parking in the lot of the state clinic. We walk the steps to the 3rd floor. The tallest building in the city is La Concha Key West, built by Cubans before the revolution in 1922.


There's a slew of ragged-looking people waiting to see a social worker, some playing with their cell phones, and others staring blankly at the wall. Some are actually ill and others are faking it. The social workers and shrinks are there to weed out the frauds and help those who need it. 


I check in with the receptionist, showing her my Social Security card, she assigns me a number, 003 saying,


Mr. Lucowski you’ll be seeing Miss Betty Bootlick in room 411. Listen for your number. 


Winona and I sit on plastic chairs, bolted to the glossy grey-painted floor. 


You can hear a dime drop, there are two Black security guards ready to pounce on anybody who gets out of line. Everyone in the waiting room except the truly insane is scared shitless of them. 

The room feels like a factory, and it smells like disinfectant. Winona says softly, 


this is awful Henry, and he whispers back, 


the bullshit is worth the extra two grand a month, and I enjoy the show. 


In forty minutes 003 is called and I walk to room 411, the door is open, and I go inside, sitting in front of Miss Bootlick who’s at her desk. She gets right down to business. 


Henry, how are things going on a daily basis? 


Ma’am, up and down, some days I can’t get out of bed. When I'm depressed I can't get my thing up. 


Your thing? 


Yeah, my penis.


Have you been taking your Escitalopram?


Oh yeah, religiously,


Henry's lying, he'd give the pills to the bums who hung around outside the clinic.


How bout your social life Henry? 


I’m different, I don’t fit in with people.


Can you focus on a task? 


If I look at something too closely I get blackouts and migraines,


You'll have to talk to Doctor Dick, he can give you something for that. How's your temperament?


The other day I was in  Wiki Wiki, and I brought a super lime Slurpee to the counter, it was $2.45, I only had $2.25, I asked the witch if she'd let me slide for the rest and she says, 


we don’t give charity to bums pal, take a hike.


So I lobbed the Slurpee at her and ran for it. 


I see Henry, I’m going to recommend another six months of SSA payments, and, and I think you should see Doctor Dick.


Finishing, he signs something without looking at it, trying to maintain a low profile. The Black security guards are eyeballing him, they eyeball everyone to generate the fear vibe in the waiting room.


Henry and Winona, walk downstairs to the parking lot. He drives directly to the finest steak house in town— Viva Argentina,  they order the best of everything, knowing two grand of SSA funny money is on the way.